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Stix's advice on buying a new bike. The good thing about buying a bike is that you can see most of the parts, obvious to say the least. The only problem is that parts are often dearer than car parts so you want them to be OK. Look out for crash damage. As a repairer of some crash damaged bikes here are a few points to watch. The engine casings could be scratched and the pegs and bar levers could be scuffed. Don;t let these put you off as it could have been a low speed crash and nothing more than a scuff but look a bit deeper if you see these signs. Panels on a bike can be expensive so I would go for a bike with as few as possible especially when learning. I would also go for a trail bike if I was you. They are easy to ride, you get a good view and are good in most terrains. Watch out in the wet though as their tyres are nobbly and cack in wet conditions. Brakes. Look out for worn and warped brake discs. You will see if they are worn pretty easily i.e. ribbed instead of smooth, and you will only know if they are warped by riding it. You may not be insured therefore you may have to ask the question and see what the reply is. Make sure the front and back brakes work, the fronts efficiency/effectiveness is more important than the back. Frame. Make sure the frame no. matches the registration doc and look again for cracked welds, especially in an aluminum bike. Also stand in front of the bike and have a good look to see if it is straight. Are the forks bent ? Again, the forks must be in excellent condition with no rust, bends or movement. Engine. Look for a service history although some owners can look after bikes better than the dealers. Signs of bad mechanics are worn nuts (I have the same problem) around the engine. This means that they have used the wrong tools and have probably made an arse of it. ALWAYS start the bike from cold. A worn cold engine will be reluctant to start and when it does it will puff out some smoke. Warm worn engines will start easier with less obvious smoke signals. Four stroke engines will sometimes sound lumpy at tickover and does not necessarily indicate that the big ends are away. Let the bike heat up and rev it a bit. The engine, in theory, should smooth off the higher it goes up the rev band. Two stroke engines are normally smokey and engine wear is harder to distinguish (this is because the oil is mixed with the petrol therefore is burnt off more directly). Two strokers can be good but you want a low mileage non thrashed machine as they require engine rebuilds norm ally every 10 - 15 k Miles. Other things. Check all the lights, indicators and especially horn works as that is sometimes your only defence. IMPORTANT : Take lessons on OBSERVATION and handling. There is probably some advanced rider out there who can take you out for a few bucks and fill your head with the potential hazards. There are many and we don't want to see you having a nasty experience. Let me know what bike(s) you are going to look at and I will try to give you my angle on them. Love to Kix and the wee ones. C ya Stix New no. is 6327885

Not forgetting haggle and ask why they are getting rid of it. Wheels and tyres - Again make sure they appear ok

I was gonna go on a course so that I didn't embarass myself by dying in a nasty accident immediately after buying a bike

All this tosh and nonsense about safety. Is that really what the voice of your mid-life crisis is telling you? I didn't think so!

everything else gets in the way. Anyway its because I'm bored of computer simulations - racing, shooting so next on the shopping list is a BIG gun - Wellington residents watch out

...hell they'd probably make us field generals due to our extensive (albeit virtual) battlefield experience. Remember: I could catch a monkey armed only with a biro!